I’M GIVING UP GUILT FOR LENT

Lent is the season of penitence and many people sacrifice something as a nod toward their notion of holiness – something they might feel guilty about.  I’ve been guilty of scrupulosity, so as a Lenten discipline I’m trying to abstain.  What – you may ask – is scrupulosity?  The word comes from the Latin scrupulum, sharp stone – like a stabbing pain on the conscience.   It means ruminating about sins and it’s often a feature of obsessive-compulsive disorder.  For many it has a decidedly religious flavor, but for me scrupulosity is mostly a dysfunctional and annoying psychological habit.  Giving it up has been easier than I thought it would be. 

In my wild and callow youth, I was totally selfish.  I broke all 10 commandments and committed all of the seven deadlies (wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony) many times over – and that’s just for starters.  However, for many years now I’ve been intentionally steering toward the Light.  I started by leaning into it, then walking, occasionally striding – even running – but mostly just trying to remain quietly mindful of the magnetic force of Goodness. 

Of course I’m still flawed, so I’m not going to ignore my unkind thoughts and behaviors. I’m just going to avoid feeding them to the smouldering fire of guilt.  I will stop festishizing my shadow.  I’ve spent too much time being mesmerized by it and have been overly attached to it.  Enough already!

So in this penitential season, I am trying to gently hush that nagging voice of shame, doubt, and guilt.  I’m tuning in to the loving voice of compassion and nurturance.  It’s been there all along but was drowned out by the endless chorus of self-recriminations.  This pure and harmonious sound is creating space so that the sweet scent of Spirit can drift in.  So far, so good…